All has been quiet on this blog but I’m back. No excuses. No apologies. I just haven’t felt like posting anything in a long time. I dub this my “fluff” piece to help me get back in the grind of writing “in public.” It’s good for me.
A few weeks ago I ran back and forth between doing some laundry and drinking wine with Scandal. It was late so all of these things combined resulted in me splayed on the floor, my hair fanned behind me like a disheveled peacock with a sore, throbbing ankle. In my hurry around the corner from putting my last load in the dryer I had tripped down the single step into the sunken living room; I was trying to beat a commercial to the finish line.
It’s a humiliating feeling as I imagine looking down at myself from above wearing over-sized men’s black sweats and a paint-stained college sweatshirt while doing laundry and drinking alone at midnight. I want to believe that my loose, wet hair is arranged like a Victoria’s Secret model and I resemble a perfectly posed Olympic synchronized swimmer, but I’m not. Not to spoon-feed, but this is a low point in my life.
I am divorced. Coincidentally, Valentine’s Day was the official end of my marriage. I am single again and not sure what I think about it. At work today I had the inevitable question from a client on the phone about my “new” last name.
Female Client: Oh, did you get married?
Me: Nope. The opposite.
Female Client: Oh, I’m so sorry.
Me: I’m not.
I’m experiencing a feeling of relief and ease of the stress that comes with waiting to “move on” from something. It’s also a feeling of pain and sadness that comes with nostalgia and loss. I’ll get through it. When I am not feeling the occasional moment of bitterness I am optimistic. I recently moved back to Portland and am living by myself in my own apartment. I’ve never lived alone before and I really like it so far, though I miss living with Lauri (my sister) and Molly.
This also means I re-enter the world of dating; I have to deal with the single men that judge and ogle and take you for granted (women do this, too). I hate the pressures that come with dating. I loathe small talk and always feel like I am in danger of saying the wrong thing or falling on my ass (literally). It’s exhausting but I plan to make it fun. Bring it on, MEN.
I had a fun night out this past weekend and a tall handsome man asked for my phone number. I gave it to him because he made me feel pretty and I am going on a date with him. With the risk of sounding like Carrie Bradshaw I’d like to say that being single is fun and unpredictable. I like the new feeling of independence and plan to continue experiencing it for a long while. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being single and I hate that society makes you feel like half a person if you don’t have a significant other to call your “boy/girlfriend.” Yes, I am unattached and unmarried, but that doesn’t mean I’m perpetually bemoaning isolation from the world!
I have awesome friends and family and I have fun with them. Yes, I think an important thing to remember is that just because you are single, you are not alone.
10 Best Things about Living Alone
- You can watch 10 episodes of Community in a row without guilt or shame.
- You can hot box yourself with fragrant incense to your heart’s content.
- You have appropriate justification for talking to your cats…if you need justification…
- You can consume a whole container of Trader Joe’s Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups ALL BY YOURSELF.
- TTVD (Total TV Domination!)
- You want to take a 30-minute shower? Well, go right ahead!
- You get to fill a space with just your crap without worrying about breaking someone else’s crap or having to ask to use another person’s crap.
- You can cook a big meal and the leftovers are ALL YOURS.
- You can make a castle with your dirty dishes and no one will tell you different!
- Two words: Naked Time.
Ok, this isn’t one of my best lists but I promise to get better! It’s late and I just want to watch some more Community.