So apparently the world might end today…

It’s December 21, 2012. The world is supposed to end today, isn’t it? I wonder if it will at 12:12 or 12:21? In my mind all the ones and twos will align and cause the world to implode. So since the end of the world might be today, I encourage you all to complete everything on your bucket list. Because of the late notice, it will need to be adjusted accordingly (or completely rewritten) so here are the ones I’ve completed so far:

1. Visit Scotland and Ireland… or just go to Portland for the day and talk to strangers in a heavy Southern accent to create some sort of alienation toward myself.

2. Go sky diving again…or jump off before the last five stairs with my eyes closed.

3. Accompany someone famous on the piano…or play a CD of Mariah Carey singing “All I Want for Christmas is You” and plunk along while wearing sunglasses to make myself feel really cool and professional

4. Go to Antarctica and touch a penguin…or when it’s below freezing go to the zoo and stare longingly at the penguins with my hand pressed against the too-thick glass.

5. Publish a New York Bestseller…or publish this blog. You’re welcome.

Good luck!

5 ways to stave off boredom whilst home alone (that have nothing to do with the internet).

When the weather turns all icy and soggy (only in Oregon is it both these things at the same time) and the sun goes down at lunch time, there’s only so much you can do to keep yourself sane until it’s Spring again. Believe me, I love love love Christmas and all the schtuff that comes with it; I love the presents, songs, family time, pie…OOOOOO do I love pie….

Oh, and Cool Whip, too.

That’s pumpkin pie by the way, just in case you were wondering. The reason I eat pie may be 25% “because it’s pie” and 75% “because I can put Cool Whip on it.”

But back to the woes of being stuck inside all winter. I mostly dread the time after the holidays, when there’s no Christmas magic to get me through the dark, dreary day. If it snowed more on this side of Oregon it wouldn’t be so bad, but all there is is rain rain rain and more rain. Yeah yeah yeah, I purposely live in Oregon and should just deal with what I got but it doesn’t mean I have to like it. But when you find yourself home alone and are tired at staring at a computer all day, here are some things I do to pass the time. If you have anything to add to this list, please share it – I’m always interested to know how other people pass the time by themselves, especially if it’s awkward and unusual.

  1. Read a book… to your pets. I’ve mentioned this before, but reading aloud to your pets can be very soothing and time consuming, especially if your goal is to finish a whole book. Plus, pets love it when you talk to them. You’ll have a captivated audience and maybe even discover some unusual incites in the process.
  2. Organize your books and movies by genre, instead of alphabetizing. There is only one way to alphabetize, so mix it up a bit by going through each item and determining if it belongs in “Action,” “Thriller,” “Disney cartoon,” or “Weird Anime that I watch once a year when I desperately need to escape the real world.”
  3. Take a walk in the rain. Don’t take an umbrella. A rain coat is okay. Yes, you may feel like a drowned rat while pitying commuters pass you by in their SUVs, with the occasional puddle splashing you in the face, but the freedom you will feel is astounding. Just take my word for it.
  4. Turn on the TV and adjust your dial to the Hallmark Channel. It’s Christmas time and they’ve got some amazingly Christmas-y, cheesy stuff that will make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Until the end of December these movies are on 24/7. Hallmark is like an old friend – always around when you need heartwarming tales of people finding true love during the holidays and whole towns coming together to help single destitute mothers on Christmas Eve.
  5. Put some Enya on at a high volume in your living room and pretend this is your debut with the New York City Ballet. Optional: Your pets can be your audience again as you gracefully pirouette and plie across the carpet. You’ll feel like that one famous ballet dancer. Just try it, it will be great. Another option to mix things up: Do it naked.